hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
