You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
