somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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