i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
there is glitter all over my balls
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