I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
