I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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