life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
a search helicopter?!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
