my phone needs a breathalizer
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
