Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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