Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
