Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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