after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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