it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
