Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
