Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
