dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
