I will die if light touches me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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