she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
