i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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