I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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