wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
