After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
