are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
