the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
