I heard we made out
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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