whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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