we have officially lost it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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