Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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