I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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