I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
