Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
