I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
