please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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