he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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