At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
