i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
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I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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