Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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