I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
