One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
