I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize