Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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