it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
