put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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