I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
