I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
