Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
