no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
