i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
