So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
