there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
