Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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