O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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