never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just pee around me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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