my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
