he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
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