so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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