I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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