Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
