At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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