Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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