You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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