my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
