I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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