Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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