batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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