it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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